5 Essential Steps For Being An Asshole

Basically, my father is a master at this kind of thing..

Thought Catalog

1. Push people away

What you have to understand about assholes is that they are scared-as-fuck baby bitches. What other kind of person views the opportunity cost of not having to be vulnerable vs. not having authentic relationships with people and chooses the former?

2. Feel sad for yourself

Always remember that your life is truly made difficult entirely by the people around you, and not your attitude, at all, ever. It’s hard out there for an asshole.

3. Self-identify as an asshole

This lets people know upfront that you won’t be culpable for the transgressions you’ll commit later on. The onus of pleasure is on other people, and why shouldn’t it be? This kind of bitch work is for the crazies who get all emotional about stuff. No one understands assholes. They have inner pain that regular people can’t even begin to fathom.

4. Flatter yourself

Assume your shiteater-at-large…

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