1. If I wear a fitted cap and a polo shirt, I’m a douchebag. If I wear skinny jeans and a scarf, I’m a hipster. If I wear Caterpillar boots and a camo hat, I’m a redneck.
2. Being emotionally distant is a healthy and specifically male habit.
3. Only women are forced to uphold unfair physical standards by advertising and media. The existence of Seth Rogen and Will Ferrell cancels out the popularity of Ryan Gosling, James Franco, Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper, Gerard Butler, Matt Damon, every male cast member of New Girl, and Johnny Depp. I am immune to society’s pressure.
4. If I use this hair gel, this after shave, this body wash, this razor, and this condom while wearing these jeans, these shoes, and this overpriced t-shirt, I will attract any woman I desire.
5. I can wear sweatpants to the mall and it is perfectly acceptable.
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