1. Facebook stalking your exes.
It’s a rule of dating someone that when you breakup, eventually they will move onto other people and they will probably start dating those people and take inappropriately adorable photographs with them that will make you want to eat the contents of your entire refrigerator. Mooning over other peoples’ happiness is the reason that Facebook was invented (and to brag about your newborn babies) and it’s a depression enabler, a trap. You could spend your entire life hating yourself for not being like other people. Or: you could be one of the people that other people obsess about. That’s what I want.
2. Living up to your parents’ expectations.
You’ll never do it. Ever. Even when you think you’re there, you aren’t. The first time I was published in the Huffington Post (which made me so happy I cried about it in a bus full…
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