1. Watching every episode of Arrested Development a hundred times takes up a lot of your free time.
2. You already have three husbands you are very devoted to. Their names are Aaron Sorkin, Jay Gatsby and Binge Eating.
3. Often food finds its way back out of the garbage and into your mouth. How did that get there?
4. You don’t remember the last time you did laundry.
5. Sometimes you’d rather just fall asleep while watching Felicity or Joseph Campbell documentaries than even attempt to have intercourse with someone.
6. Your Snuggie isn’t built for two.
7. The only pitter-patter of little feet you want in your apartment right now is from the cockroaches in the kitchen, who at least feed themselves and presumably change all their own diapers.
8. Your parents haven’t gotten up the nerve to directly have you married off, but sometimes at Christmas, you…
View original post 1,051 more words