Envy is the subconcious’ way of registering the absence of something, the void and the desire of that thing all at once. And of course there is envy in the unknown entity, that which we can never truly know or attain.
When I was younger I envied the beautiful girls, the waifish idols that stalked the hallways of my high school with their long hair and boyfriends wedged by their side. I envied them not for what they had, but because it made me aware of what I did not. I didn’t want to be them, I wanted to be me, but with smaller hips and finer features and my crush to walk me to class.
As I grew older, however, and grew less concerned with the politics of high school and more interested in the politics of the real world, my envy shifted from other women to men. I…
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