1. Act like they don’t see someone that they definitely recognize and know, but would rather not engage in a brief, awkward what-have-you-been-doing-with-your-life conversation.
2. Completely ignore the story someone’s telling because you’re waiting for it to end so that you can tell your much better story on the same topic. It’s like seriously, wrap it up dude — I’m sitting on comedy gold here.
3. Find pleasure in hearing of or witnessing a jerk fail miserably at something. Anything for that matter. It’s nice to see good things happen to good people, and shamefully it can be just as pleasant to see bad people be dealt a sh-tty hand.
4. Feel satisfaction when a courtesy callback isn’t answered. (A courtesy callback meaning that they called and you missed it. You didn’t want to talk at all but you called back out of politeness. They didn’t answer. You celebrate.)
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