1. You’ve felt the sometimes painful, sometimes serene feeling of waking up before the rest of the world. It’s still dark and there’s a cold mist that muffles the anxious tempo of modern life. By the time other people wipe the crust from their eyes, you’re done with half your workday.
2. You know that before 9 AM the line is actually not humans but a mob of zombies whose minds are basically repeating their drink orders in the way that other zombies repeat “BRAINS!” and that you, the bearer of their coveted life-source, are in a position of precarious power.
3. You have secretly nicknamed many of the regulars with your coworkers. Not out of malice, just the absolute necessity of amusing yourself at what is essentially a highly repetitive job.
4. You’ve had to break the tragic news that you are out of soymilk and you don’t carry…
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